Damn why don't you Understand

I don't know why I am writing down this post, just that I wanted to write one so I am here. It has been a pretty confused time running as of now, I have landed at Michigan, USA for pursuing my Masters. The place is good, people are awesome, but I need to adjust a lot because my under-graduation was way different, may it be the system, my friends or the life. Well without really expressing much..this is all I want to say :

I am not What I am, 
Yeah, what you think is not me, 
Its not me whom you force, 
Don't squeeze my brain, it pains,
Damn why don't you Understand !! 


A path I chose and I am on my way,
The road is smooth, don't push me hey,
Its a long way I have carried my goal,
I don't want to slip,
Damn why don't you Understand !! 


I know I know I should learn,
The way you do is just awesome,
A change is good but I fear,
What you teach is not I want,
Damn why don't you Understand !!


I am not stressed but look at me,
Same nightmare every night I see,
They die they die...yes my family,
Fuck it please I need some peace,
Damn why don't you Understand !!


I have no work, I am so free,
Once they called me a busy bee,
I will party, I will enjoy,
But now I need some work,
Damn why don't you Understand !!


I am so confused for the decision I took,
I want to jump and have a look,
Don't hold me down, don't pull me back,
I want to see whats there ahead,
Damn why don't you Understand !!


Patience and time are running apart,
If I hold them it shakes my heart,
Its a fight I have to win,
Its going to be good at the end of the day,
Damn someone make me Understand !! 

After reading it I know many of you might interpret that I am not happy, but its not the case at all, I am JUST SO VERY CONFUSED these days with a lot of factors influencing them...but as I said "Its a fight I have to win, Its going to be good at the end of the day,"

 Take care readers.
 Love you all !!

My Mumbai Girl - A Story Untold

Around two years down the line I had many questions in my mind regarding chatting, especially the chat rooms which people say are meant for making new friends. Crap. Everyone knows (talking of teenagers here) that it is used for dating and furthermore for mating. THE END.
Now when it comes to chatting with friends too...it was a difficult task for me. I could not sit and chat uselessly.
I have many friends who use these chat rooms to make GFs or have some sexy chats. I never had time for these stuffs. :P

But last summer while I was doing my internship at Turkey, I got much free time and even I used to stay in my office after my scheduled time too. One day just I was blank with what to do and I entered a yahoo chat room. Obviously with no intentions of talking to guys I was pinging only the ones who’s ID indicated that they would be female. For 4-5 days I tried regularly but I could not get a girl to talk to. I wondered how my friends get girls over these chat rooms, some of them even succeeded getting the girls naked on cam (which was their sole aim) :P. The key factor was the way we sell ourselves to girls in chat rooms. I cannot be that cheesy in my talks. Everything goes too straight forward for me. I gave up. But again some days later I gave a try and it was last week of June then, that day just in my 2nd or 3rd hit I got a reply. The girl was from Mumbai. She asked my age..I told 21, she stopped talking to me saying “I am too old for you”. She was in 30’s. But how does age makes a difference to chat with someone, I asked her. To me things were as simple as that. Well I just asked about her, she replied now. She was a doctor at Mumbai. Had a love marriage, husband mostly out of India for official works, has a daughter studying in 12th or 11th (forgot). I told her about me.
Days passed and not every day but whenever I came on Yahoo we pinged each other, she used to tell me about her love life and all, ask about my plans, what I was doing at Turkey and stuff. I enjoyed talking to her. She had a sense of maturity in her words which attracted me (I love talking to sincere n matured people). A week prior to my departure from Turkey I asked her to meet me at Mumbai (my flight was landing at mumbai). She was even ready to pick me up from airport. We made plans of going to beaches n hanging out. She gave me her number. I was excited to meet her. Such kind of chat friend n all I never liked, but my case was different I guess.

So 30th July 2010 it was. I landed, I lied to some of my school and college friends that my flight would be landing at evening so I would meet them at 30th night :P, just because I was feeling awkward telling them about my new Senior Citizen friend ;)

Well so I met her..... She came to pick me up by her car near to my hotel. A gentle, matured, smiling face woman. She took me to KFC at Andheri, she kept on asking about my future plans and my college activities. I remember she said “Shanky you are more mature than kids of your age should be”. She really made me very very comfortable. I did not feel the age difference at all, she knew it very well how to manage. She was listening to me as a college friend, simplicity on her face. Before meeting her I was thinking "Am I doing anything wrong meeting a chat friend?"..because if I place any of my friends at my place and rethink..I would consider it a stupidity to meet such a person, especially if my friend was a girl. But I had an idea of which type of a girl/woman I am going to meet and more over I or we dint have any physical intention behind meeting (hopefully ;)). And just in some time after meeting her, I was proud of my decision and once again my intuitions were correct. I almost asked her nothing, I was noticing her and she was superb.
She loves reading novels, we then went to Cross Word but did not buy anything. Now we kept on roaming and she took me to Lifestyle, she asked me to choose some shirts, I chose two and she gifted them to me. I asked her not to but she said “Shanky take it and I would tell you why am I gifting it to you”. I accepted.

It was time to leave. She said “Shanky you know, I did love marriage and after that I am bit cut-off from my family, I always wished to gift someone and make him/her happy but never got a chance, I am really happy to gift you something today.” She was almost sentimental by this time. Listening to it even I was happy to make her happy. Just a moment later we bid good bye to each other leaving an everlasting impression and few sweet memories in our hearts.

Its almost an year now but we regularly send SMS to each other, care for each other. What I noticed in her is the way she understands me being a teenager, she knows the way I think, she predicts my mood very well, she gives me advices, she showers love and warmth, she has an amazing understanding. Once out of excitement she offered me to be her Son-in-Law (hehee). I feel blessed to have such a person in my life. She is a perfect wife, perfect mother, a sincere doctor, a caring friend, got everything to be a perfect girlfriend. With her I live a different life and perhaps she knows a different "Shankaransh" which is hidden from this world, she knows the actual "ME". I really wish I could meet her at least once in a month. She soothes my mind like anything. And by the way friends her name is Dr. Smriti.

Thank you God...Thank you Smriti (yeah I call her by her name).

Radhey Radhey Nights to Marijuana Wings-flying abyss!!

Before I start this phase of writing I would like to say one thing to my friends- Doing only good things doesn’t make your life good or you a good person.
Everyone says that final year is just to chill and enjoy. Last 3 years of my college life I had utilized learning by doing. I was done with GRE,TOEFL, applications, Job (a forced attempts by my parents and friends). I wanted to enjoy joblessly now.

29th January,2011, I called up all my friends to my room for my JSPL treat. There were some 25 smokers that day. Some 5-6 times before the party started Upa asked me “Shanky how many people are coming?” That day we started at 10pm with 25 people in a single seater room..partying hard. After a while when everyone was HIGH...Manas and Hardik played a song on my lappy. The song was new to almost all of us. People were smoking...song was playing...some people left...but song was playing..Naman made GRAVITY..still the song was playing. Some 15 minutes later I realized that my room is under Red lights..Laptop at the centre and everyone around it clapping in a very holy way.

The song was “Radhey Radhey”..it was a 44 minutes track, people were so involved in that song that they forget where they actually were and their(including mine) imaginations took them to god’s place. All thanks to Manas and Hardik who played this almighty song and made Room-322 Hall-4 a Holy Place.

We all were in our own depths....people kept departing and at last just 3 of us left- Me, Niru and Upa. The depth of talks we had that day won’t come ever again. That session of 29th and 30th Jan we named as GGP!!
Days passed partying harder and came 8th Feb when I got my Admit info from Michigan Tech. The AIM of my college life was done. I was totally relaxed. Day by day the direction of my thinking was changing...I was moving away from the materialistic things and I was enjoying it. To some people I was being unsocial and addicted.
I was never addicted I knew..I was confident on that. I don’t know when but there came a time when I started partying with Swarup Sutar and gradually there were only me and him smoking at his room.

Our thinking level matched nearly perfectly. We had previously worked together in “Boond”. One day we decided to make some songs with our present state of thinking....our thoughts took more depth every next day...we ended up writing some 7-8 songs and composed 2 of them finally. To these compositions we gave the name- “Marijuana Wings-flying abyss”. Now we are on our way to make it professional and open a company “Dream Processors Productions Pvt Ltd”...soon you will find us live in action!!

I spent some very memorable and learning moments with Nirupam, Khera, Upa, Bala, Kussy, Swarup, Bappa Da, Andij, Animesh, Eshan, Rudro, Debayan, Souptik, Sudipto, Rajan, Adhiep and loads fun moments with everyone I smoked with ;)

I met so many new faces partying this way, got to know how much people love me, confronted with different perspectives of different people, made a lot of friends- are all these things wrong? Now the thing is I did not waste my time doing nothing, smoking weed I could attain a different state of mind which I used constructively to drive my passion of making songs. People question- “Why do you smoke weed?” The answer is- “I want to do bad things in a constructive manner” and inspire people. I want to be Jack of All Trades, I want to be little bad to know the importance of good things. I have got so many lifetime memories with my friends partying with.

My fundamental says- First be the person you want to become then enjoy your life trying stuffs you should not. Well i think there shouldn’t be anything left in life to do for which you regret later. I have my own style of enjoying life and I AM PROUD OF IT because at this time I can prove my worth in the market. You do any damn thing but if your intensions and aim are defined then nothing is wrong. This was all about my happy and cheerful journey from “Radhey Radhey Nights to Marijuana Wings-flying abyss”.

I want to say sorry to some of my friends who were always so worried about this part of my life- Watti, Deepak, Priyanka, Deboleena, Madhyama, Supriya, Shreeja, Anchal. I would just say..love me for what I have done to make you all proud but don’t hate me for the things I have done which have hurt you. For me nothing was wrong...I LOVE MY LIFE and MY FRIENDS ARE MY LIFE. God Bless!!