The fight to "Choose"

I am always fascinated by people who keep themselves out of the crowd. The fact that top 1% of the people in this world possess almost 50% of the world's wealth tells us that these 1% of the people must be doing something different. There is only one 66 year old politician/citizen, Modi, who became PM of India, he has to be different than thousands of men of his age in India. While we are doing our 9 to 5 jobs, there are good number of self-made millionaires under 30 years of age around the world. While we sit in our luxury apartments, our friends are working on bringing a social change, helping the needy or building a new social entrepreneurial firm.

But how are these people any different than us? How do they manage to stand out? I understand that not everyone can become Steve Jobs nor does everyone aspire to become Steve Jobs, but what amazes me is that there was only one such teenager in the whole world who did things differently to become Steve Jobs. Jack Ma got rejected by Harvard University 10 times but he reached a level where none of the Harvard graduates could. Why? How?

I have a friend- K Vinay Rao, who comes from a very small town/village in West Bengal, India, but he is the only kid from his town to reach a level where his efforts changed the face of his family. What was different about K Vinay Rao?

Such observations/questions led me to read more about such people and the first thing that I noticed in all of them is the way they would think and the CHOICES they make which is influenced by the way they think. "Choice" is such a simple word that leaves a huge impact on one's life. Lately, the one thing that helps me keep away from smoking (trying my best) is the thought of making a choice at the moment when I have an urge to smoke- Why should I CHOOSE to smoke? And this question in my head helps me make the right choice (for the most part :D ). When I have some work to do and the feeling of procrastination creeps in, I tell myself- You do have an option to work, would you rather choose to procrastinate? It is extremely difficult to ask yourself such a question, control your mind and CHOOSE the right thing to do. While most of us come back from work and CHOOSE to relax by watching TV series, there would be a guy in the Silicon Valley who would chose to work his ass off after work on his own innovative idea. Some of my friends- Samrat, Ashwini, Harsh, Anurag, Rafik ( and a few more) CHOSE to quit their good paying jobs and started their own ventures. Was this choice easy for them? Definitely NOT. But why do they make such choices? In my opinion:

1. They are more aware of themselves and their surroundings.
2. They have a vision and they are mentally prepared to face the initial struggle to defend their choices.
3. They value time. They are not the one's who say "Wake me up when September ends".
4. They are inspired either by their experiences in life or by the people around them.
5. They first compete with their own self.
6. They always have a clear picture of their big goal.

For the past 2 years I have been wanting to visit my friends in Minnesota. Last month I thought- "What is stopping me from going there?" I had no answer. I looked at my calendar and figured out the weekend when I had no fixed plans and I simply booked by tickets to Minnesota. Had I not booked my tickets, it would have been another "relaxing" weekend at home for me, but I CHOSE a different option. Starting June of this year, I decided to run everyday. Sometimes I come back from work and I am tired, but I give myself a minute and remind myself that I need to be determined and then I CHOOSE to run. I have realized that making a choice is the first step but being focused on the choices you make is the key to success.

Anything we do, we choose to do it, its our CHOICE, but remember- There is always an option, so choose wisely my friend. You need to fight with yourself to CHOOSE the right thing, just make sure you win that battle with yourself !!

An Indian Wedding to learn from

Unity in diversity, the cultural diversity is the backbone of my country- India. We practice different religions and we try to respect the religious beliefs of each other. After I moved to the United States, I learned how famous Indian weddings are outside of India and as a matter of fact Indian weddings are one of the most fancy weddings I have known so far. Indian weddings are not just about the celebration of the beginning of two individuals getting married but it is about celebrating the new relationship between the two families.

I am not too happy to mention that even after 68 years of our independence, religion and caste still play a vital role in Indian weddings. Although more and more people are growing up to having a neutral and educated perspective of the diversity in religion and caste, inter-religion and even inter-caste marriages are still not very easily accepted in our society. As I always tend to share my personal experiences in life, today I would like to share an amazing experience I have had with the wedding of the two very dear friends of mine- Avi and Neha.

Avi and Neha have been dating each other since high school and finally in their mid 20s, they decided to marry each other. Avi and Neha practice different religions and as I said, inter-religion marriage is not yet very common in India and hence starts the fun. For them, finally it was the time to formally ask their parents to give a green light for their wedding. Avi and Neha both have a very rational thinking and both of them belong to well educated families. They knew that the social approval process would not be as smooth as silk but they had confidence in their parents. Most of the Indian parents are very deeply influenced by the Indian society and even after being educated, most parents are not able to break the mental barrier of inter-religion marriage especially when it's about their own kid. Rational thinking and wedding does not go along very well in India.

Now here comes the difference between being literate and being educated. Since I know Avi's parents much closely than Neha's, let me talk about them. They treated this case beyond the boundaries of religion, for Avi's parents Neha was a girl their son truly loved. For his parents it was as simple as trusting their son's decision and in fact Avi's dad offered to approach Neha's parents to talk about their wedding. All his dad cared about was the happiness of his son and not the social tantrums of an inter-religion wedding. This is such a good example to spread and to learn from. The little that I know, both families did face some social hurdles within their own families and sme of their relatives just refused to attend this wedding but the best part was that both Avi and Neha's parents had already anticipated such disapproval within their families and they chose to ignore it because they were determined not to influence their decision based on irrational thinking of the society.

Avi's dad is one gem of a person. Avi did not want his wedding to be held in a very traditional way with a priest chanting some religious mantras on the day of their wedding so Avi's dad prepared a wedding script which he recited both in Bengali and in English and it was completely non-religious. Neha's family appreciated the move and they also decided to conduct the wedding in a very non-traditional and non-religious manner. Avi and Neha had their first wedding ceremony in the US in a Christian style (none of them are Christian by religion), then in India they got married in their respective religious traditions in a non-religious fashion. It was just so cool to see my friends getting married 3 times in 3 different styles in a society that does not explicitly approve of such acts of pure love beyond religion. I wish I could share this story with every Indian parent so that they can learn how important it is to trust their kids and think beyond the social boundaries.

Recently people in India were talking about my country being intolerant but the truth of the matter is that the individuals need to be tolerant for the nation to be tolerant and individuals like Avi and Neha's parents are contributing to make our country tolerant and practical. We need to understand that caste and religion are man made things. Why judge someone by things that aren't under their control? Bottom line is that god created us simply as human beings and human beings framed us in to different religions, so why not judge each other based on humanity? Humanity is natural, it is the fundamental characteristic of human race.

Examples of weddings like this are actually helping our society to change their mindset and behave as educated people. I have never been so amazed and impressed by someone's wedding as I am with Avi-Neha's. Thank you Avi and Neha, I am proud to know you guys and be your friend. Thank you to your parents for teaching us a much needed lesson !!

Happiness OR Satisfaction

I am about to turn 26 in a few hours and I just wanted to share something that I have realized in my recent past. I am an observer and a thinker. When I look at our society, especially my generation, I try to analyze what is going around, I try to learn and adapt the best practices to make myself a better human being. I wish to continue doing this forever and ever.

I want to share my thoughts on happiness and satisfaction, how do I define them and what is the difference between happiness and satisfaction according to me and where are we going wrong with it.

Lets look at few examples- You buy a new cell phone. Are you happy? Definitely yes! Are you satisfied? May or may not be...right?

You go on a vacation. Are you happy? I guess you should be. Are you satisfied? Again may or may not be.

You secure a good paying job. Are you happy? Well money shouldn't let you down, but are you satisfied? Big question, right?

How long would such a happiness going to stay with you? A day? A week? A month would be over exaggerated. 

I have one thing to say- Satisfaction guarantees happiness but happiness cannot guarantee satisfaction! Bottom line.

So what should you look for? Happiness OR Satisfaction? 

I see that many of us are happy with our life. But ask yourself...Am I satisfied? Take one moment before you read further and ask yourself- What is that one thing that I have done that makes me feel satisfied? So do you have an answer?

Satisfaction comes with achievement and achievement should come with milestones that you set forth for yourself. Again take a moment and ask yourself- What is my next milestone in life? Do you have an answer? If not then you are not doing it right my friend.

Lets see what is satisfaction.

You buy a new cell phone, but this is not just another cell phone. You craved for it, you set your monthly budget to save for it, you decided that no matter what but next year I want to award myself with this cell phone and now here it is. Satisfied, right?

You go on a vacation. But this is not just another vacation. You planned for it years back, you set your milestone that I will work hard to earn myself a self sponsored tour to Europe or Goa. Satisfied, right?

You get a new job. But this is not just another job, this is what you wanted to do or this is the company you wanted to work for. You set a target for yourself and you achieved it. How did you feel? or How would you feel? Just happy or satisfied & happy?

I see quite a lot of people in the age group 22-30 who live very similar life. Bachelors degree, say yeyyy! Masters degree, say yoooo! A fine paying job and there you go, life is set. Is that you? Yes you?

We have so much misinterpreted the words fun and happiness. Each one of us have our own definitions of happiness and I support that because at the end of the day each one of us should live a happy life. We all deserve it. But I strongly feel that happiness coming in package with satisfaction is the right way to do it.

How many of you crib about your job? How many of you just see one positive factor with your job and that's the money coming in. I would assume at least a few of you if not many. Well we spend 8 long hours of our day at office...shouldn't we love what we do and make our work place a little better for ourselves? Don't you think if you really take interest in completing a project at work then your pay check will give you much more happiness and satisfaction? It just annoys me when people are not happy at work, they don't love what they do, they are just not satisfied. If so, move your asses and do something that you would like. Are you afraid that you would not get the job you like? Do you think you deserve it? Do you think you have the talent to get your dream job? Go get it rather than wasting your time. But be satisfied my friend. That's the key! 

Happiness that comes from partying on weekends, shopping, going out with friends and family etc are important but are very short lived. When you achieve something and you feel satisfied, that feeling of happiness will stay with you for life. Isn't that something that excites you?

For those handful of people who have set milestones but are afraid to try because they are skeptical of their success...my friend even failure could be satisfactory because you tried, because you gave your best. There is no way you could feel the magic unless you step into those shoes.

Go discover yourself, go find something to do which will make you satisfied rather than doing something that gives you a temporary happiness which you might not even remember the next day or next week.

This post is dedicated to our CONFUSED GENERATION. Please take it as a positive criticism. I may not be the best but I am definitely not YOU my friend.

Thanks for reading.

Love ya all !!